Your friends aren’t your friends if they aren’t inspiring you, let me tell you why

Who do you go to when something bad is happening to you? Who waits for you when you bend down to tie your shoe when you’re walking with a group? Who can you call right now, and know they will answer? Lastly, do your friends inspire you to be better, or to stay in the same place you were in yesterday?

“A good friend is a friend who chose to go through the rain with you but could have been dry”

(making you feel like you aren’t alone, helping you through your problem like it’s their own, helping you find that umbrella)(even if you don’t have friends, always remember that after a storm there’s a rainbow, meaning after the bad there’s always good)

There’s a famous quote that says, “If your friend group doesn’t inspire you to be better, then they aren’t your friends, they’re your cage.” And another quote that says, “If you’re the smartest in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” Now I’m not telling you to leave your friends and start a whole new friendship circle, I’m saying You need to know the difference between your friends and the people you know. There are “sandbox” friends and then there are “day 2” friends. Both are important, sandbox friends are people you grew up with, those who were in your environment, and they remind you where you came from. Your day 2 friends are friends you chose to be around, you hand-picked these people. Your day 2s should be inspiring, motivated, or dependable. Having inspiring friends doesn't mean just having friends you compete successes with, it is friends that want to see you do better and make sure you doing good too. You need friends that aren’t afraid to be honest with you, but at the same time support & respect your decision. You don’t want envious friends, friends that talk behind your back, or friends that only show up when it’s convenient for them, you need dependable honest friends. And if you decide to keep your unreliable friends you cannot get mad when they end up being unreliable because you already knew they were. You need to have realistic expectations of the people you are dealing with.

For example, if my friend lies a lot I shouldn’t expect him to tell me the truth, nor should I get mad when he lies to me because I already know he lies a lot. It’s expected. I made the conscious decision to stay friends with a liar and I cannot be mad at that.

Sometimes you are just going to have to drop friends like that here are some reasons and examples to drop bad friends:

1) it may look bad on your end, most people believe the saying, “birds of a feather flock together” so if you have a friend known for stealing people may associate you with someone who steals as well.

2) if you have a friend who doesn’t support you, that you can’t trust, or is always saying “Don’t do that”, that may be a friend you don’t want. They never want to see you win or see you reach your full potential whether it’s intentional or unintentional. Envy, jealousy, hatred, backstabbing, all bad things that can come from someone like this.

3) Constant Negativity:

• Bad friends who are always negative, complain excessively, and bring down your mood can drain your energy and affect your own positivity.

  4) Lack of Support:

  • A friend who is unsupportive and dismissive of your goals, dreams, or challenges may not be a healthy influence in your life. True friends are there to support and encourage you.

  5) Betrayal of Trust:

  • If a friend consistently breaks your trust, lies, or gossips behind your back, it can erode the foundation of your friendship and lead to feelings of betrayal.

  6) Manipulative Behavior:

  • Friends who manipulate you, guilt-trip you, or use you for their own gain without regard for your feelings or needs can be toxic influences.

  7) One-Sided Relationships:

  • When a friendship is completely one-sided, with you always giving and the other person always taking, it can become emotionally exhausting and unfair.

  8) Jealousy and Competition:

  • Friends who are overly jealous or competitive with you, constantly comparing themselves to you or trying to outdo you, can create an unhealthy and stressful dynamic.

  9) Disrespectful Behavior:

  • A friend who consistently disrespects your boundaries, ignores your feelings, or engages in hurtful behavior may not have your best interests at heart.

  10) Constant Drama:

  • Some friends thrive on drama and create unnecessary conflicts. Being constantly embroiled in drama can be emotionally draining and detrimental to your peace of mind.

  11) Negative Influence:

  • Friends who encourage destructive behavior, such as substance abuse, reckless actions, or unethical behavior, can have a detrimental impact on your own choices and well-being.

  12) Lack of Reciprocity:

  • If you're the one making all the effort to maintain the friendship, while your friend rarely initiates contact or reciprocates your gestures, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.

  13) Incompatibility:

  • Sometimes, friends grow apart due to changes in interests, values, or life circumstances. If you find that you have little in common or that your values are no longer aligned, it may be a sign to move on.

  14) Stifling Your Growth:

  • Friends who discourage your personal growth, success, or independence can hold you back from reaching your full potential.

  15) Repeated Toxic Patterns:

• If your friend has a history of toxic behavior and fails to make genuine efforts to change, it's a sign that the friendship may not be salvageable.

  16) don’t give people ammunition against you, bad friends always love to bring that up when things go wrong with y’all.

Remember that friends can be dropped but sometimes it is your family that fits these bad descriptions. It’s hard to drop them, you don’t, you just have to ignore them until you are away from them, but once you are away from that environment, it is a good idea to go back into it.

Another famous quote says, “If you don’t have haters then you aren’t doing something right” and one more, “The devil is like robbers, they don’t rob an empty house, so if you feel down, most hated, degraded, it's because the devil knows there’s something great in you” don’t let the hate get to you, let it fuel you to keep going and do you, let it make you greater, stronger, and wiser.

Remember that it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. While it can be challenging to let go of friendships, doing so can create space for healthier, more supportive relationships that contribute positively to your life. Surrounding yourself with friends who uplift you, respect you, and contribute to your growth and happiness is crucial for your overall happiness and mental health.

Now that we have gone over the bad friends let’s go over finding and building strong, supportive friendships that can greatly enrich your life. Here are some tips on how to make and find good, supportive friends:

1. Define Your Values and Interests:

   • Start by reflecting on your own values, interests, and goals. Knowing what you value in a friendship and what you have to offer can help you connect with like-minded people.

2. Attend Social Events:

   • Attend social gatherings, community events, clubs, or hobby groups related to your interests. These settings provide opportunities to meet people who share your passions.

3. Leverage Existing Connections:

   • Ask your current friends and acquaintances if they know anyone who shares your interests or values. Mutual friends can introduce you to potential new friends.

4. Volunteer or Join Organizations:

   • Volunteering for a cause you care about or joining clubs and organizations can help you meet people who are passionate about similar issues.

5. Take Classes or Workshops:

   • Enroll in classes or workshops related to your interests. This can be a great way to meet people who share your passion for learning and self-improvement.

6. Use Social Media and Apps:

   • Utilize social media platforms, networking apps, and online forums to connect with people who share your interests. Be cautious and exercise safety when meeting people online.

7. Be Open and Approachable:

   • Approach new people with an open and friendly attitude. Smile, make eye contact, and engage in conversation. Be genuinely interested in getting to know them.

8. Listen Actively:

   • Being a good listener is key to building supportive friendships. Show empathy and understanding when others share their thoughts and feelings.

9. Initiate Plans:

   • Take the initiative to make plans and invite potential friends to activities or outings. This demonstrates your interest in building a connection.

10. Join Support Groups:

    • If you're facing a specific challenge or going through a difficult time, consider joining a support group where you can connect with others who are experiencing similar situations.

11. Be Authentic:

    • Be yourself and allow others to see the real you. Authenticity fosters genuine connections and attracts friends who appreciate you for who you are.

12. Practice Patience:

    • Building strong friendships takes time. Don't rush the process, and don't be discouraged if it takes a while to find the right people.

13. Set Boundaries:

    • While being open and supportive is important, it's also crucial to establish and respect personal boundaries in your friendships. Healthy boundaries promote trust and respect.

14. Maintain Existing Friendships:

    • Don't forget to nurture and maintain your existing friendships. Sometimes, strong supportive friendships can develop from long-standing connections.

15. Evaluate Friendships:

    • Periodically assess your friendships to ensure they are positive and supportive. If you notice any toxic or one-sided relationships, consider whether they should continue.

Remember that building strong, supportive friendships is a process, and it's normal to encounter a mix of people along the way. Be patient and open to meeting new people, and focus on nurturing the relationships that bring positivity and support to your life. Quality friendships can have a significant impact on your happiness and well-being.

“I would rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies” meaning I would rather have 4 good friends than 100 fake ones.